Frank Zappa and The Mothers "One Size Fits All"

By Mark Kmetzko

Scene, 17 July 1975

Frank Zappa and The Mothers
ONE SIZE FITS ALL
Discreet

I feel sorry for Frank Zappa. His music has become a stereotype of itself to the extent that he’s making music for Frank Zappa fans, period. ONE SIZE FITS ALL is no different from any of the previous three Mothers albums; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

What’s sad is that Zappa and his cronies have a great deal of talent. George Duke is one of the finest keyboardists in popular music, and Zappa among the top rock guitarists. Likewise, the seven Mothers can function as one and are capable of cutting the most complex of passages. But to hear these folks strut their stuff you have to wade through tons of esoterically ridiculous lyrics and unimaginative melody lines. I pity those who actually sit down and try to figure out Zappa's songs; what a tiny reward they must reap. Zappa’s not even funny anymore.

The only things here I could ever stand hearing again are “Inca Roads” and “Po-Jama People." The reason? You guessed it; both contain worthwhile instrumental sections. The latter is the closest to a viable composition, though, as there is some logic to its structure.

As for the theory that Zappa is too heavy for me, I can only offer a quote from one of the tunes here, “Florentine Pogen.” Yes, it’s taken out of context, but believe me, it doesn't matter.

Chester’s go-rilla
She go quack
Chester’s go-rilla
She go oink
Chester’s go-rilla
She go moo
Chester’s go-rilla
She go
Hratche-plche Hratche-plche